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Category: Life Issues : Relationships
INTRODUCTION
Do couples on their wedding day ever imagine that someday they would get divorced? Of course not, but unfortunately more than 50% of marriages do end up in divorce. So what happens between the Wedding day and the Divorce Day? I say that the divorcing couples never learned how to resolve their problems without anger, bitterness, yelling and dishonoring.
Honor is the root to all happy marriages. Most of us start honoring our spouses-to-be during the dating/courtship. We place their needs before our own and we would never dare say or do anything hurtful to our sweetheart. After all we want them to fall in love with us right? Unfortunately, after a few years (or a few kids, whichever comes firt), too many of us forget that we need to continue honoring our spouse.
As part of that honor, we must also learn how to work through the everyday differences all couples experience. There is difintely a right right and a wrong way to resolve these issues. Below is an outline on how to resolve issues without dishonoring your spouse.
RESOLVING ISSUES WITH HONOR
1. Address the issue. Meaning that you let your spouse know you need to discuss an issue with him. Choose a time and place where you're both comfortable. (HINT:Not your bedroom)
2. Be willing to recognize that it can have more than one solution and be objective in dealing with it. There is rarely a completely right way and wrong way to solve problems. You need to be able to see your spouse's perspective.
3. There is no such thing as a "His issue" or "Her issue" but, only "Our issue." Both of you must be willing to tackle the problem together.
4. Use "I" messages -- Why? How does your spouse feel when you use the word "you"? (He feels attacked). What do you do when you're attacked? (You attack back) Is this communicating? NO! It's dishonoring!
"I" Messages--Just Fill in the blank
I feel. . .(emotion) when you. . .(state the behavior) because. . .(state the effect on you).
5. Take turns expressing yourself without interruptions.
6. Repeat back what your partner said. "What I hear you saying is. . ."
7. If the discussion becomes a yelling fight, take a break. Yelling is a stop sign in communicating. If you are yelling, you are no longer communicating and you are dishonoring your spouse! Note:*Make sure you ask permission to withdraw. Why? This is an honor issue once again.
8. Confine yourself to one issue at a time. Concentrate on the subject at hand.
9. To resolve an issue, it requires a decision and then a commitment. You must both be happy with the decision and the commitment. If either of you are unsatisfied, you will not be able to live up to the commitment and the issue will re-occur.
I can tell you through personal experience that these concepts work. In almost ten years of marriage, my husband and I have resolved hundreds of issues, and have only raised our voices twice to each other. (No one's perfect!) I can also tell you that nothing compares to the happiness that comes from a strong and satisfying marriage relationship.
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Submitted By
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MJill |
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Description
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Still extremely happy after 10 years of marriage |
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Web Page
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