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Category: Life Issues : Parenting
[After events through 1995 left me] with one functioning ovary and no tubes, my husband and I were sent to an assisted fertility clinic specializing in In Vitro fertilization (IVF)...
For two years, we struggled through fertility treatments...
Then, on September 29 1997, one week after my sister-in-law gave birth to her second beautiful baby girl, I found out, for the last time, I was not pregnant. After nearly two years of trying to become parents through IVF, my husband and I were emotionally, financially and physically exhausted. We grieved for days for the child we would never have. Still, we had to move forward.
Immediately, we checked into the possibility of adoption. All of the agencies we contacted were so costly and had terribly long waiting periods. We were entirely discouraged by our options since our savings account was nearly non-existent.
However, I remembered some research I did while we were going through the infertility nightmare. I recalled, one night when I was bed-ridden after an embryo transfer, I sent my husband to the library to pick up some books about adoption.
I focused primarily on two books. The larger of these books outlined adoption through our state's Department of Children Services. This book, eventually, led my husband and I to our Foster Parent's license.
The second book I read that night was a very thin little book. Despite my best efforts, to this day I cannot remember the author. It described a proven, successful method of adopting a child independently. This book, ultimately, led me to my daughter.
The book described in detail "how to" conduct a search for a child available for adoption. Basically, the author told us to "network." In adoption terms, "networking" means to tell anyone and everyone about your intent to adopt. So, we did.
About one month after our final failed attempt at pregnancy, when my new niece was just beginning to smile and hold her head up, we were contacted by TWO pregnant women!
The first woman was located by my husband's parents. She was a relative-of-a-relative-by marriage. She was in her twenties and had two young girls. She suddenly found herself pregnant for the third time and was not able to raise another child on her own.
The second woman was still a teen-ager. She was attending college in our state. My parents located her through a mutual friend of the family. The young woman was shocked by an unexpected pregnancy, and was not ready for parenthood.
We talked to both women over the phone. We decided to proceed to make an adoption plan with the younger woman, since she was currently living in our state.
We met with this young woman and her mother over the Thanksgiving holiday. We seemed to know each other instantly. She reminded me so much of myself at her age, that we couldn't help becoming close friends. I couldn't believe she actually "chose" us to become her baby's new parents.
Over the next few months, we communicated with phone calls and letters. Then, one night in early April, I was paged! My husband and I rushed to the hospital which was two hours away from our home. I held my precious daughter for the first time early the next morning. It was Good Friday, 1998.
The entire experience at the hospital was beautiful. My whole family, including my brother's wife and children, met my baby's birthfamily. In the end, we all exchanged hugs and tears. And, yes, my seven-month-old niece got to be the first person to tug on my daughter's ears!
Both parties retained attorneys. My husband and I had an attorney, and so did my baby's birthmother. We took our child home from the hospital, so we had to immediately become the baby's legal guardians.
Our adoption was finalized a week before Christmas last year. Our total costs came to well UNDER $2,500.
It is important to mention that, before the judge finalized the adoption, we were approached by TWO more pregnant women who were considering adoption plans for their children. Apparently, our "network" kept on "networking." Of course, we didn't act on these opportunities, since we needed plenty time to fully "spoil" our little girl.
I cannot stress the importance of networking enough. Someone out there is BOUND to know a woman who is considering adoption for her child. An older couple we know ended up adopting a baby born to a friend of the couple's teen-aged daughter. The couple started "networking" at our suggestion immediately after we adopted. This couple also had costs below $3,000 and NO waiting period.
The whole process went so smoothly. I cannot imagine giving 20 or 30 thousand dollars to an agency, and then to end up waiting for years for a child.
Now, when I think about our fertility treatment days, I shudder. Sometimes when I look at my little girl, or hear her say "Mamma," I cry. I often think, in absolute terror, about what would have happened IF our reproductive experts had been successful. Sure, we would have a child, but she wouldn't be THIS child.
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LaLasMom |
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First-time-mom |
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