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Category: Humor & Fun : Relationships
Are you stranded in a broken-down automobile of a relationship that seems to be permanently destined for nowhere? Well, for those of you who are stuck out there in the desert of lost love with four flats and a broken fan belt without a gas station in sight, there is hope. You can save yourself from this life of desolation.
Just get out of the car.
Stop the Little Things
Although no one thing alone (aside from the ultimate sin of cheating) can get you out of a relationship, a good place to begin your process of withdrawal is with the discontinuation of "the little things."
Little things in a relationship are easily classified as all of the tiny insignificant acts of love that let that special someone know she's on your mind. This group of tender and affectionate acts entails all notes, letters, cards, candy, flowers, and other stupid gifts of the sort. By purposely failing to make an effort to send such reminders of devotion to your significant other, you can plant a seed in her subconscious that will eventually blossom into a beautiful weed of uncertainty. Her initial musings of why you are no longer making such a fuss over her will soon mesh together and form a thought in the back of her mind that just maybe you don't love her anymore. This is essential. If you're ever to be free, she must realize that there's a problem.
Distance Yourself
Another key point in the lost-hearted art of self-elimination is the creation of excess space between you and your counterpart. We're not talking about physical distances here, but rather a plane of discomfort which arises from a lack of communication. In a relationship, people need to feel close to one another. Women need to be able to talk to their partners. They need to feel loved. Based on these grounds, if you do away with communication (not all, but the deep sentimental type) it won't be any great length of time before you yourself are done away with. Try not to have those sweet little conversations where you spend time telling your girl how much she means to you and how you could never live without her. It is important to work yourself into a cycle of "How was your day?" type conversations. Questions that generate "Good/Bad" and "Yes/No" answers are the ideal route for removing depth from your conversations.
In no time at all your ball and chain will know very little about what's going on inside of your head and simultaneously feel that you don't care to know what's going on inside of hers. This is an extremely weighty factor when it comes down to determining whether the relationship's over or if there's still something there to work for. If she still feels that there is reason to continue with the relationship, you're probably not trying quite hard enough in this area. Less communication equals less of a chance that she will want to go on in the relationship any more than you do. If she doesn't want to continue in the relationship either, then you've eliminated yourself as the perpetrator of the breakup; it's now a mutual decision and you don't have to bear the guilt yourself. Hence, by distancing yourself, you can simultaneously cut two chains with one snip of the fence cutters; the breakup now has a cause, and you don't have to feel solely responsible for it.
Get Busy
A third aid in your quest for singleness could be a group of friends, a hobby, or at the very least, a job. By trimming some extra time out of your schedule, the fact that you won't be able to spend your normally allotted 3.5 hours per night with your partner is inevitable. A hectic schedule works in wondrous accordance with both distancing and stopping the little things (see above). If you don't have the time to care and communicate, then chances are pretty good that you won't. Your woman will more than likely view the cutback in personal time from a very pessimistic perspective- which is good. This is what you're after. Your lady will view your new commitments as an infringement on her personal territory. You will begin to hear bellowings of "When are we going to have some time for us?" and "Why does everything else come before me?" Don't take these to heart; it's all in the plan. She now feels unimportant. This is the clincher.
 Summary
You've got no little signs of affection left, great distance between the two of you, and now a feeling of unimportance lurking over your partner.
By following this simple outline, you're sure to find yourself leading the "no strings attached" lifestyle again very soon. Goodbye Pinto, you just bought yourself a Beamer!
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