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Category: Life Issues : Parenting
Being a step-parent of five children I can honestly say that it can be one of the most challenging as well as rewards situations I have ever found myself in. These are just a few suggestions for those who are now or may be in the near future a step-parent.
1. Realize that all of you are more than a little afraid of what will and could happen once you become a family.
2. Put aside a set time of day or night when all of you will come together and talk about how each of you feel. Our family at first was uncomfortable with facing each other when we had a problem with another family member so we created a web page for the whole family to post our thoughts. Each person has their own section and could post their feelings to the family member without facing that person directly. If you do not have a web page, you can also make a corkboard bulletin board and hang it on the wall.
3. You may hear "I hate you" or "you're not my mom or dad" a great deal during the first months of your new family. Don't take it to heart. While you should never dismiss a childs feeling, remember that the child does not know how they should feel and may lash out in anger. Do not react with anger but with love, even though I know this is not always the easiest thing to do.
4. Do not feel as if you are the outsider. In this newly made family you are all the outsiders. Each one of you are bringing something new to this relationship.
5. Give yourself a break. Remember that you are only human and if you feel angry or frustrated you are not a bad person or parent - only normal. Family life is never easy, nucleur or newly made. Take a few minutes each day to be by yourself and regroup.
6. Take each day as it comes dealing with one joy or sorrow at a time. Don't wonder if you will all be a happy family 5 years or 10 years from now.
7. Never criticize the other parent if she or he is still alive. Remember that this only confuses a child and may put them into the position of choosing sides which they should never have to do. This may be hard at times but in the long run you will earn your childrens love and respect. I guarantee.
8. The internet is perhaps one of the greatest self helps that you can turn to. There are countless groups which are dedicated toward helping new step-parents with problems they may encounter. The groups are made up of parents who are either brand new to the situation or have been a step for quite awhile. They allow you to rant or rave but most of all remain anonymous. Your relief is enormous when you find that others are in the same boat as you and have the same feelings. Exchanging thoughts and feelings can give you that extra boost of energy you needed and give you that "I can do this" attitude. Realizing that you are not alone makes everything a little less intimidating and success a lot more attainable
9. Most of all, never measure your new family against anothers. Yes there are some step families that seem to hit it off right away and that is wonderful but remember that you and your new family are unique in their own way. The day I found "We LOVE you" message on my bulleting board, signed by all the children, was the day that I knew in my heart that although there would still be struggles ahead, the rewards are priceless.
Best of luck to all step-parents and remember that an extended family is only a family which includes more people to love and cherish.
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Submitted By
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Laurie Emerson |
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Description
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a step-parent |
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Web Page
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not
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