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Category: Life Issues : Relationships
Looking for love in all the wrong places? Try Cyberspace
Relationships are often like grapefruits. First you have to break through the skin; then it takes a couple of bites to get used to the taste, and just as you begin to enjoy it, there's a chance that you'll get squirted in the eye. Relationships, like everything else in life are about taking chances and in order to get into a relationship, first you have to enter the wonderful world of dating. However, if you've been looking for love in all the wrong places, you may want to try looking for it in cyberspace. I can't guarantee that you'll find the love of your life, but I can guarantee that you'll have a most interesting journey looking for it.
Online dating is for losers, or is it?
With the advent of online dating - people from around the world can now find that special someone without being limited by such mundane boundaries as states or even countries. Unfortunately, there is a stigma (although some say unfounded) attached to online dating. It's the same stigma that has been attached to personal ads for years - only losers need apply.
But, the truth is although there is as much uncertainty connected to online dating as there was (and still is) with personal ads - it really isn't anything other than another vehicle to meet people. Lots of people (thousands upon thousands if you believe the numbers associated with these dating services) use online dating services. And with those numbers, one would have to assume that not all of these folks are losers. After-all, we've all read the fairy-tale like magazine articles about how someone met their "main squeeze" through a personal ad and ended up living happily ever after.
Look at the demographics
Well, if you're still not convinced that people using online dating services are not all losers, than look at it this way. Internet studies have shown that most Internet users are college-educated professionals who can actually function in the real world and have a grasp of technology and communication. By this I don't mean techno weenies - just everyday people, with busy work schedules who may not have the time to go out to the local watering hole to meet other people. With an estimated 80+ million single people in the United States alone - it seems reasonable that the best way to connect to all these folks is through the Internet.
The financial side of meeting someone online
If you're still not impressed, look at the financial side of meeting someone online. It's cheaper than hanging out in a bar and spending all your hard-earned income on libations when all you're really there for is to meet someone. And, you don't have to get dressed up (clothes cost money) and bribe two of your friends with a free dinner (more money) to go along with you. You can do it your jammies, free of charge in the privacy of your own home! And, you don't even have to invite your friends over !
What are the advantages?
One of the major advantages of meeting someone online is that your correspondence is through electronic mail and you have quite a bit of time to screen information about the person you are communicating with before actually meeting them.
Unlike on a blind date where you spend the evening being a nervous wreck and never finding out anything about the person sitting across the table from you because you don't want to sound like you're taking a deposition. Another big advantage is the pool of possibilities - there are more fish in cyberspace than at your local watering hole. And, finally if nothing else, it can be a good way to just meet a few new friends or a new tennis partner.
And the disadvantages are...
All online dating services require you to either fill out a form containing information such as likes, dislikes, hobbies, height, race, weight, hair color, etc. or to write a profile about yourself. Of course the downside is you can write anything you like - even if it isn't true. You can even lie about your gender, age, sexual preference and marital status.
So, with those disadvantages in mind never, ever put personal information like your last name, address, telephone number or real e-mail address in a profile. No one ever said that college educated professionals can't be serial killers. Look at Ted Bundy. He was a lawyer. Sound judgement, a certain amount of caution and basic instincts go a long way.
To further protect online daters, many online dating services offer an anonymous e-mail service, which means that you never have to give out your personal e-mail address, as your mail goes directly to the service and they in turn e-mail your messages to you. If the service you sign up with doesn't have this feature, don't use it. There are many more out there that do have it and it's another way to ensure your safety.
If anytime during an e-mail communication with your e-mail friend, he or she starts sending you border-line pornographic poetry or sexual suggestions of any kind and insists that it is literature, trust me it's not. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck! Anyone who would send this type of nonsense to someone they barely know, is a person that you don't need to know.
Dos and doughnuts of meeting your online friend
Remember what your mother use to say to you when you were a kid? Mom would ask you to tell her where you were going, whom you were going with, the telephone number of the place you were going and what time you planned on coming home. Well, as annoying as you may have found that invasion of your young privacy, it's a practice that should be applied if you decide to meet your online friend in person. I mean, you don't have to tell your mother - after all she may not understand all this cyberspace stuff - but tell someone. And, make sure you call that person when you get home. Besides, there's nothing better than a conversation with a good friend about your latest dating escapades. If nothing else, you'll share a few good laughs at your expense.
Make plans to meet your online friend in a very public place. Dinner dates, although you may get a free meal, are not a good idea. They require too much time and you could end up with a major case of indigestion. Picnics in the park or long romantic drives are a very, very bad idea. If your online friend's idea of a date is going for a moonlight drive through the New Jersey pine barrens, be nice and tell them you can't possibly go be cause you are allergic to all that fresh country air and haven't renewed your prescription for Allegra!
Try a cafÈ where there are lots of other people but where you can have a cup of java and some pleasant "getting to know one another" conversation without screaming over the table. Take your own car and a cell phone. Decide a beginning time for your encounter and an ending time. This way, if things go south you won't have to be uncomfortable for too long. If your online date doesn't like this arrangement, don't go. After all, there are lots of other fish in the vast sea of cyberspace.
Preparing for the big night
Don't be nervous, this could actually turn out to be fun. However, dating in general (and online dating specifically) requires a certain amount of good sense. So, before you go on your date make sure you pack a smile, a positive attitude, your best foot facing forward, a good listening ear, some caution and judgement, your cell phone, money, and your car keys. If you take all these things along with you, at the very least you will come away from your date with a memorable experience. And, if things go well maybe even the guy or gal of your dreams.
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